Batman Begins

Somewhat coincidentally, this is the beginning of a series of updates featuring layman reviews of various movies, TV (on DVD), and the occasional game, which stems from an unyielding affection for my collections at large. Seeing as the coincidence will likely elude the reader still: the movie that I'll be reviewing to(night) is Batman Begins.

Holy shit is the first thing I have to say. Christian Bale, you multi-faceted fuck, how do you manage to shed some 60 lbs for The Machinist, and then turn right around and gain it back in the face of a beautiful bone cage befitting one as emptied of substance as yourself? Prior to The Machinist, you reportedly weighed as much as 180 lbs, and following, weighed under 120 lbs. The last time I weighed under 120 lbs was due to a high school girlfriends' sexual proclivities, not that I'm complaining, but it's worth being aware.

Second thing is, Cillian Murphy. You know this guy, from, I don't know, maybe Red Eye? Breakfast on Pluto? 28 Days Later? I'm not sure what the audience could be at this point, but if you haven't seen Batman Begins, then I'm guessing you're 58 and your kids are just now entering high school, or you're 28 and The Lord your God can't be bothered to keep you in the loop. If the latter, skip Breakfast on Pluto, and if the former, please skip ahead to the same movie, because you don't know what you're missing. I don't know when I'll be reviewing Breakfast on Pluto, so don't bother, actually.

Third thing is, the guy. Laim Neisson? Forget spellcheck for a second, because honestly, when did you know about him? This movie? Taken? Star Wars Episode 1? I realize those are out of order, but I was heading toward Krull, so it doesn't matter anyway. Krull should be coming up soon, and I won't spend time on it now, but midget cyclopses is somethign special, so set aside some time if you're able.

If I had to outline a plot, I'd say that a misdirected youth is, eventually, trapped in a lose-lose situation in an Asian prison, forced to join an assassin's guild for the sake of self preservation, which eventually morphs into a desire for world peace, given some unholy source of income, which can be derived probably, but who the fuck cares where the guy gets his scratch? You want to know about Batman, and in this movie, Batman:

a) is noble
b) is naive
c) has the hots for Tom Cruise's chick
d) doesn't give two shits about the Scarecrow, no matter how much nobody cares about him

A hulked-out Murphy beats down some Asians, joins an assassin's guild (see: Assassin's Creed), solves crime (see: Vigilante), exploits his wealth (see: Blank Check), and assaults minorities (see: Fresh Prince? It's awkward, so what?)

Mission Statement

Inaugural posts are always awkward, and I don't intend to tread upon any unintended rhythm. In place of an actual statement of mission, I'll at least touch on the fact that my burgeoning movie collection is beyond my grasp, and reviewing each movie I own in some way at some time will at least give me peace in the short term; and at most it will provide some bit of extra fluff to failed Google searches.

If you find yourself here in error, you are the majority, and welcome.