What Dreams May Come

No witty lead-in here: this movie blows, front to back. Forget about it being a Visual Masterpiece (Steve Oldfield, FOX-TV) or a Visual Blast (Paul Tatara, CNN), this movie was a visual backhanded insult-turned-ridicule of the senses. This movie didn't make any sense, ever, and here's how:

Number 1: Mrs. Doubtfire is out of costume, the whole movie. His kids are right there, too, for like, the whole time, and they obviously know she's their dad. He seems oblivious! I mean, flashbacks are one thing, and I won't fault a movie for those, because historical record is infallible, but for all of the Heaven scenes? His daughter is there! He's not even trying. In fact!

Number 2: Hitting on one's daughter. The whole stewardess story? Right, told from a certain perspective and whatnot, but in the end, the little girl has assumed the form of a stewardess she's sure she saw her dad make eyes at. What does this say about their relationship? What didn't his wife or son know? What didn't the dog know? Secrets are fine to an extent, but if you're, very early on, letting your audience in on some incest, you need to have provided a context within which it may be digested.

Number 3: Keanu Reeves. This guy, somehow, gained some weight, lost some age, and made it into a decent movie. But still, he ruins! Not that I have anything against his talent, most of the time (in fact, I'm a fan! Just wait until I review 2012, a great movie in which he plays a writer, fighting for his and the lives of his family!), but he just blew the candles out on the cake that could have been certain portions of this film. I know he's young, and inexperienced (how old was he in 2002 anyway? Like, 16? When was Excellent Adventure released?), and that let me watch this movie until the end, but...

Number 4: Come on! White kids turning black turning white turning into kids or some shit? Young girls turning Asian turning into dogs and then into girls, maybe? Wives turning into artists turning into ex-wives turning into crazy freak out chicks in a nether realm? Do I suspend my disbelief at the door? Docudrama this is not. Even the Bible has some shit to say about the depictions of Heaven, Hell, and what I can only assume is Purgatory (don't be a Christian now!), and it doesn't mesh with this junk.

Number 5: Unlimited power. What the fuck, Eli from One Hour Photo? Your life exists after the era of the Matrix, why the shit can't you master the powers of Heaven/Hell, when they're so obviously available to you, to save your stupid wife? It takes the whole movie for him to get to her, while it only takes her about 20 minutes to off herself. Where were you when she drank down the meds? You can soul-write through her, and mess with her paintings from beyond the grave, but you can't just fucking step out and be like, "here's the deal, I'm dead, come visit."? I mean, even the movie Ghost had more interactivity! (Too soon?)

Number 6: Resolution. Where's What Dreams May Come 2? Or 3? Or 4? You're not allowed to have that Lil Rascals ending without some 'splanin as to how it occurred.

All in all, I give this movie a 6 out of 9, due to visuals and the comic styling of Richard Pryor and Mel Brooks. See it, I'm sure it's what I said it was!